If you have a stressful relationship, have you ever wondered about your connection and how it relates to the general happiness of your relationship? How connected do you feel with your partner on a daily basis? And have you ever noticed the lack of connection between you when there is an argument?
That last question may seem a bit silly because when there is an argument there probably is little or no connection at all. But what if you could stay connected when there is an issue instead of it going out of the window. I wonder what would happen?
Most couples I work with want better communication with their partner or spouse and easy ways to reduce stress. Unfortunately, even when the stress levels are low, a lot of couples are not aware that their level of connection when they are communicating has a huge impact and influence on it. If you have difficulty connecting with each other it will be having a profound effect, not just on your communication, but on your relationship as a whole.
My guess is if you can stay connected when there is an issue that both partners will have more willingness to try to work things out.
Maybe try this out. Make some special time just to connect. There are many ways. One way is just to make eye contact. Another way is to share one thing you love, admire or appreciate about your spouse or partner. If your love language is touch give each other a massage. But if you are not in a good space yourself, then trying to connect may be difficult.
If you are feeling stressed here is a tip to reduce stress and bring some peace into your being prior to connecting with your partner. Before starting, find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
- Become conscious of your breathing by just following your breath in through your nose and in to your lungs and out again
- As you continue to breathe in this way bring your attention to your heart
- As you breathe in, now imagine your favourite colour entering and filling your heart, and allowing your body to relax on the out breath
- Keep breathing in this way for at least 3-5 minutes
- Now notice how you feel emotionally. How does your body feel? What is your mind doing?
- How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about your partner?
- How do you, in this moment, feel about life? How connected do you feel with yourself?
Now you are ready to connect with your partner, notice how much easier it is.
You may like to pay attention to your own connection with yourself on a daily basis.
Notice the level of connection with yourself and if it is low take some private space and pay attention to your breathing. Slow your breathing and place your focus on my heart, as in the above exercise. Just doing this will help to change your internal physiology and bring you back to your own special connection. Doing this on a daily basis will also have a positive impact on your stressful relationship.
(The beauty of the above exercise is that you can’t be stressed when you slow down your breathing, because stress naturally increases your breathing rate and it may even cause you to hold your breath.)
So, remember this exercise especially whenever you feel stressed in your relationship. Connect with yourself as above and then see if you can be connected with your partner. Notice the effect on how you respond to each other and how open you both are to communicating. Are you more willing to listen to each other?
Just these simple techniques can help to smooth the way to staying connected and when you are connected you will be likely more willing to maturely discuss an issue and look for a solution.
If an issue has triggered other emotions such as sadness or depression take some space and try the above tip. Be easy on yourself. And ask yourself, what is it you really need right now. In a lot of cases especially where sadness or depression is concerned, you need to be comforted.
Allow the emotion to be instead of trying to stop it. By just allowing the emotion to be (energy in motion), you allow it to leave your body. After all, emotion is the experience of feeling an emotional chemical in your body.
If you experience frustration, anger, worry or fear regularly in your relationship check out this post Best Way to Relieve Stress – It Will Change Your Relationship & Life
If you have any questions or would like support, please post below or contact me here