Are you in a Stressful Relationship, but are Yearning for a Good Relationship?
Can’t find a solution to how you are feeling?
There is a solution and you will be surprised how easy it is!
I’ve known that stress is the fight/flight automatic survival response to danger for years through my study of physiology, but I hadn’t quite got the significance of it until recently and how quickly the response can be cleared. When this happens it amazes me how resourceful my relationship clients become and it’s affect on their relationship.
My point is that we just don’t act on the fight/flight response; it’s socially unacceptable. But the poor reptilian brain, the part of the brain that stimulates the stress response, just doesn’t have the opportunity to do its job fully. So, we walk around with it being overstimulated, perceiving danger where there is really no danger at all, and all the while adrenalin runs around our body with nowhere to go. Get the picture?
Apart from the fact that stress can prevent you from having a good relationship, it’s also damaging to your health because it takes up energy that is normally used by the for healing*.
Did you know that whenever you feel any form of stress adrenalin is released into your bloodstream to prepare your body to either flee or physically fight? During this response, blood is taken away from your organs to your limbs for physical action.
In normal circumstances, if you allow your body to flee or fight it takes around 15-20 minutes* for your body to come back to homeostasis or balance. But that just doesn’t happen. When did you last physically fight or run when you felt stressed? Obviously, it’s a rare and extreme occasion when that happens. But even worry or frustration stimulates the body to release adrenalin because it is still a stress response.
In my experience with clients, the big problem with a stressful relationship is that stress doesn’t resolve anything, it becomes a repetitive pattern, it causes heartache and unhappiness, it prevents clarity and resourcefulness, and creates mental confusion; it just doesn’t create a good relationship.
So What To Do?
A great tip for a good relationship is to learn how to bust through stress which is actually very simple. Instead of physically running or fleeing, I use visualisation in my work with couples and personally myself when stress is triggered.. Visualising when you are feeling angry or fearful can bring down the emotion within minutes as it uses up the adrenalin that is circulating in your bloodstream caused by the stress response.
You don’t have to experience a dangerous or perceived dangerous situation though to have a fight/flight response. Try remembering a time when you felt fearful or angry and you will see what I mean. Your body will respond as if the stress is happening now.
These visualisation tools can also easily be used to clear the stress of the past that has not been processed. The memory of past stress can get repetitively triggered as, according to Dr Joe Dispenza, it eventually gets hard-wired into the brain.
Next time you feel stressed in your relationship you could ask yourself “what am I perceiving that is dangerous?” That may help with putting things in to a different perspective.
If you are feeling angry you could try visualising yourself chopping wood or smashing concrete with the intention to use up the excessive adrenalin that is circulating in your body and see what happens. What level of stress are you after? Do you perceive the situation differently? How could you respond in future to something similar?
The fear visualisation is different and depending on the person may require guidance and support.
Second Level of Stress
Invariably, once the stress response is down other emotions will surface. My hypothesis is that once the body comes back to homeostasis the mind subconsciously evaluates the stressful (or perceived stressful) event which creates other emotions such as sadness, depression, etc.
Rapid Emotional Stress Relief
I also discovered a really easy and rapid way to release these emotions from the body.
When I understood that emotions are basically emotional chemicals (peptides) that have been released into the bloodstream and attached on to the receptors of the cells, it made a lot of sense to me. In my experience, sharing this with my clients allows them to dis-identify from the emotion and to feel for example sadness instead of suppressing it. By just feeling and accepting emotions starts the process of unlocking the chemicals from the cells’ receptors and releasing them into the lymphatic system. So what you are feeling any time you have an emotion are the emotional chemicals in your body.
Rapid Stress Relief Tools for Life
These processes or tools are extremely empowering and can be used for life. They are life changing and transformational for all relationships.
Moving in to A New Paradigm
I believe we are ready and wanting to move into a new paradigm. A paradigm where we are more aware of and willing to feel our emotions instead of suppressing them, and to recognise our stress responses and take ownership of them instead of blaming others for how we feel. In doing so the stressful triggers that we experience in our life will reduce significantly, emotions will evaporate naturally, our minds will expand and become much more resourceful, and we will perceive and effect the world in a more positive way.
For another way to destress, check out my blog post Stressful Relationship – An Easy Tip to Reduce Stress and Improve Your Connection
*Ref Dr Joe Dispenza’s book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One
About the writer
Valee helps couples rapidly relieve the stress that they are facing in their relationship. Once the stress level is down couples learn simple tools to increase trust and rebuild their heart connection.
Couples embark on a journey of self-discovery and work towards creating the love relationship that their hearts desire.
Valee has been working with psychosynthesis for the past 26 years and trained in couple’s relationship coaching in 2008. She has also been a Reiki Master/Teacher since 1998.
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