This is my story that has impacted more or less my whole life and why I am so passionate about helping couples to create the happiest relationship that they can.
Although my website title may seem idealistic, I know many couples can learn new skills that will enhance and uplift their relationship to a new level, or turn around a relationship that is on the brink of collapse.
Whatever you choose to do, it is my heart felt desire to assist you on, what I would consider, the most rewarding journey of your life.
Through the Eyes of a Child
My Mum met my step-Dad around about when I was 2 years old and got married about 6 months later. I’ve never met or seen a photo of my real father and from this very early age I was told that Dad wasn’t my real Dad. Things were good for a year or so until…
I’m 4-5 years old hiding under the bed covers petrified whilst my parents are fighting. I couldn’t do anything about it and was too scared to show them how afraid I was just in case the same thing was going to happen to me. I don’t understand it. “Are they fighting about me?” “What have I done?” Then we move from the country into town and the fighting stops. What a relief. But now I’m 11 and the fighting starts again. I have a whole heap of mixed emotions that I cannot identify. But in my heart I know that what they are doing isn’t right. I just don’t feel good. Something is missing… what is it? I’m now 14 and the fighting is still happening. This time I see my step Dad knock my mother out and storm out of the house. My brother is there, but there is no communication between us … we just don’t know what to do, how to react, and it’s too scary to talk about it… with anyone. I get to the point where I don’t want to be at home as I am so unhappy living with them. Luckily all of my weekends accept holidays I spend at the local riding stable. I hold all of this in and never mention it, but deep down underneath I feel outrage, a deep grief that I can’t identify and an anxiety that I have to be perfect for everyone and not rock the boat. I feel isolated with my feelings and thoughts; no one to talk to.
The Biggest Decisions of My Life
I’m 15 years old and so over their fighting that I decide that I never want to be in a relationship like they have, in fact I’d rather be dead! And no way will I stay in a relationship, under any circumstances, with anyone who hit me. I’ve stuck with these two decisions all my life.
Thank God My Mother Left
Then one day Mum actually talks to me about the arguing and says she has had enough and has decided to leave. She’s going to stay with her friend and take my brother and sister, and that I could stay with my grandparents. I’m ecstatic! Thank God! I love my grandparents to bits and can’t wait to move in. Although I’m so relieved, deep down I’m upset as it is way too late and wish my Mum had done this years ago.
Now I’m older and living in my own place with my boyfriend and friends. We have a great time together, but deep down I’m aware of a milieu of negative emotions and at times feel depressed. I make the decision that I really want to be happy; but I don’t know how.
I got to being really unhappy with my life – the 9-5 drudgery that I saw all around me and drinking it up at the weekend, and then back to work on Monday mornings; around and around in circles with no future, that I decided to leave Great Britain and went to New Zealand to live my dream of riding horses. It felt like the best thing ever and I lived the dream and even bred my own horse. But more than that, I didn’t know then that going to New Zealand was the start of my personal development journey and healing the wounding that I experienced as a child.
So, I’m in New Zealand and my partner suggests that I go to the local psychosynthesis group and check it out. I get the feeling that this is going help me. I don’t know anything about it, but I really like Anne the facilitator, and some how it feels right. It feels so right that I eventually decide to do the training.
One day, after going to classes for around 2 years I’m walking down the street and suddenly I’m observing everything, I feel a deep sense of oneness and I can see myself walking. WOW! So this is the Self! I feel totally centered and in my power. Now I know what this journey is about. I have absolutely no negative emotion or thoughts in my mind; just observing.
The next thing I know, I’m in Dunedin living with a lady who does spiritual healing. Oh my God! I’ve just had a session with her and had this huge emotional release – gosh what just happened? Anyway, I’m chatting with her and ask her what she was doing and find that out she was doing Reiki. I know in my gut that I have to learn this – there is no question in my mind.
Then, I’m living in Christchurch with new friends and I meet Ardas who teaches Reiki. It’s funny how life presents things when I really ready and want it. Again, I’m having that deep inner knowing; no doubt at all, that I just have to teach this. A year later I’ve finished my training and am teaching Reiki 1 to my boyfriend* and a group of friends. It feels a bit scary, but I love it! I still have my ups and downs, but I’m really happy and have so much purpose in my life. My world feels expanded.
(*Richard, whom I would have loved to have stayed with for the rest of my life but wasn’t ready at the time we were together.)
So, now I’m in Auckland pursuing a diploma in therapeutic massage. I really love learning this … I’ve chosen it as my pyschosynthesis project which will complete that diploma.
I’ve completed the massage course and finished the project notes for my psychosynthesis diploma. I’m so excited to receive this diploma. It’s taken 10 years to complete and I’m elated – it’s been a huge journey.
Emotional Freedom Technique
Well, I guess this is another synchronistic part of my journey: learning EFT. Wow! It’s amazing how quickly emotions can be released with my clients when I integrate it with psychosynthesis. I love it – well I love it all. I feel blessed to have walked this journey.
I’m now working with clients who are having relationship issues and love how EFT can bring their emotional stress down so quickly. But I want to learn other skills that are specific for relationships. So I’m weighing up whether I should learn to coach.
My Biggest Breakthrough
Well, I made that decision and I’m blown away… what I have just learned about relationships has put my parent’s relationship into perspective for the first time in my life. OMG! They never got through the power struggle, which is the second stage of relationship. Now their whole relationship makes sense to me and a huge weight has dropped off my shoulders – maybe subconsciously I had taken some responsibility for it from an early age and because of the fights my parents had had over me… “she’s your daughter…” (From a teenager I could never fathom out why two people who were so unhappy together would ever stay together for all those years, but of course, it was different in those days as single motherhood wasn’t acceptable).
My Love Language
Well, this is another thing that has given me so much understanding about relationships. That to feeI loved, your primary love language has to be fulfilled in a relationship, otherwise the relationship is unlikely to work. Mmm, when I think about that, I thank God my mother and I were quality time. The principle works in one’s immediate family as well.
My Last Relationship
I fell in love with Tai, well we both did with each other. It was an amazing experience and, of course, we both felt on top of the world; so much fun and love together that I couldn’t wait to see him. That’s the first stage of relationship with all the love chemicals running around.
Then, about 6 month’s later, yep the power struggle came up. Were we compatible? Where were each other’s boundaries, what needs were so important that they have to be met for our relationship to work? Well, we learned about each other over the next year or so and decided that there was some really important things that were not going to be met and we both agreed to separate.
It was heart wrenching, because on the one hand we loved each other deeply and on the other hand we knew there were non-negotiable needs that wouldn’t be met for either of us.
We’ve remained really good friends though, and still spend a lot of time together; some times going away sailing. Recently, I spent 9 months living with him and healed things that had happened in our relationship that weren’t complete. It was a most… well I’m lost for words. It felt like a wholeness came over me. I know that when old relationship hurt is completed with each other, there is a deep cleansing and freeing up of old energies that were stuck and that will usually rear their heads again in the next relationship if they aren’t dealt with.
My Next Relationship
You’re probably wondering.
Well, I’m not driven any more by the primary need to be in a relationship which is to procreate and I haven’t met anyone that I am attracted to, but I am definitely open… Outside of a special intimate relationship, I have awesome friendships with both females and males. My friendships are deep and meaningful, and support and fulfill my needs right now.
A Journey of Growth
After writing this, I realise I was heartbroken around my parent’s relationship, and I also know my experience of growing up led me to my journey of growth. Without it I don’t think I would have been driven to pursue happiness which sent me on such an amazing journey. And the amazing people I have met over the years who have trusted me to walk beside them with their own growth and healing… I feel truly blessed.
Now my dream is to share the relationship life skills that I have learned over the years with as many couples as possible so that they not only have the happiest relationship that they can have, and provide a stable, loving environment for their children to be brought up in, which will be passed on from generation to generation. In this way, we can make a huge positive difference in the world we live in.
A heart felt thank you for reading my story!
If you feel inspired and would love more happiness in your relationship, it would be an honour to support you by offering a