Are you stressed in your relationship? How’s your connection? Not what it could be or once was? Is communicating and resolving issues difficult? Do the same issues keep coming up? In coaching terms, we would say this is the power struggle. Unfortunately, a lot of couples never get through this stage of relationship but there is a way.
Relieving stress is the first place to start for rebuilding your connection. Without feeling connected everything else goes out the window.
Releasing Stress is Very Simple
The adrenalin during the fight/flight stress response (and when a stressful memory is remembered) can be rapidly cleared using active visualisation. Research has proven visualisation to be extremely effective and can be more powerful as it eliminates physical distractions.
When you feel stressed, identify if you are feeling anger or fear, or one of the lower stress emotions such as worry or frustration. If you are, ask yourself what are you perceiving that is dangerous? The stress response is a set up to keep you safe in times of danger. Knowing what you are perceiving as dangerous will help to put some light on the stress that you experience. The next step is to learn how to rapidly bring down your stress levels.
Rapid Anger Stress Relief
*For instance, if you are feeling angry with your partner take some space and imagine chopping wood, smashing concrete or another physical activity. Allow all of your thoughts and expressions to come forward. Download the lot and see how angry you are after. What level of anger did you start with? What level of anger do you feel after?
*Please do not use this process if you feel rageful or have constant high levels of anger. Please seek professional support.
So Simple & Effective
This is such a simple technique that rapidly clears the adrenalin that is coursing your veins. You can also use this process for an experience that hasn’t been resolved. Remember a time when you felt angry. Rate the anger out of 10. Imagine going through the same process as above and then re-rate it.
If you can relieve anger as and when it comes up and any time you get triggered in to a past memory, what impact do you think it could have on your relationship and life?
In my experience working with clients, quickly relieving stress brings forward clarity and resourcefulness. Clients tend to see a bigger picture, get an understanding of the situation that has caused the stress and are more willing to work out a solution. They start to take responsibility for what is ultimately their emotion, and blame and defensive protective behaviour starts to lessen.
When stress is reduced and dealt with trust starts to build and ultimately the couple’s connection rebuilds and grows.
Relief of Fear
Of course, fear is also part of the stress response. When you are feeling a low level of fear (e.g. no higher than 5-6/10 where 10/10 is panic) try imagining running, being fully present in your body and expressing what needs to be expressed.
The fear process that I use with clients is more involved than this and I do not recommend working with anxiety or a high level of fear on your own. Please seek professional support.
Rapid Stress Relief Example
The techniques and processes that Valee has developed through her experience working with psychosynthesis for the past 26 years and coaching, are extremely quick as they rapidly rewire the brain.
Although this is not a relationship example, the following shows how effective rapid stress relief can be when there is professional support. This is the experience of one of my female clients who was living with 34 years of an unresolved traumatic experience after a physical assault in 1984 when walking through a park. Her stress/emotional levels were as follows before her first session: (5/5 = extreme)
Outraged, Overwhelmed 5/5
Apprehensive, Despaired, Distressed, Helpless, Hopeless, Muddled, Panicked, Paralysed 4/5
After the first session her stress/emotional levels reduced to:
Outraged 1/5 Overwhelmed 3/5
Apprehensive, Distressed, Helpless, Hopeless 1/5
Despaired, Muddled, Panicked, Paralysed 2/5
Valee specialises in helping people who are experiencing the power struggle in their relationship or the detrimental effects of stress and/or trauma. She helps them quickly clear stress and uncomfortable emotions and to positively rebuild their lives or relationship.
I would love to receive your questions or comments below :o)